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 On Facebook, I read again the ominous phrase “just wait until she is a teenager”. This well intentioned response was to another person, venting parental frustrations. This scenario bugs me. Number one, I do not believe venting on a public forum is wise, but more importantly, I find it nauseating how we set ourselves up for failure with our words and thoughts.
Case in point, “just wait until she is a teenager”. What do we truly say when we make the catastrophic prediction of our kids? “At 8 years old you are acting pretty jerking but you will be a total mess at 17 so this can’t be that bad”. Who in their right mind wants this kind of relationship with their kids? No one I can think of. But, are we not mentally preparing our selves for the worst when we give this kind of advice or receive it? I can say I’m out of that, I don’t want it for me or my kids. My attitude is they are the kids, and I am the adult. We will both act accordingly. I am not naïve and am well aware that kids are challenging at times, I have three, I got it. Leave no doubt though, mentally I do not want the war that most people expect before the younguns leave home.
So where else do we mentally prepare for failure or at least increase our stress level? Just about everywhere. My wife chided me a bit for the following example. She says I am over thinking it but this illustrates my point about what we say and think affecting everything. We all makes lists of stuff we need to do or things we need to buy. I found when I say I “need” to do or purchase things, I feel a certain amount of stress over this long list of entries. For some reason, by assigning all of these things as needs, I feel some urgency to accumulate and accomplish all those things. Meanwhile, my pile of time and money does not allow me accumulate nor accomplish all these things. It may take quite a bit of time! Now I am really stressing out. Fritz!
To keep from frothing at the mouth over these lists of things I need to do, I assign everything as a want. The basic reason is food, clothing, shelter, and transportation are covered. That means all else is a want. I don’t need to get the walls painted by the end of the month, I want to get them painted by the end of the month. Empty milk jug drat! I want to get more milk, we do not neeeeeed it this instant (matter of fact, the kids will survive quite awhile without it).
Can you see how changing need to want relaxes the sentence? Suddenly, I build in mental wiggle room. When I want to do something, if I do not get to it this instant or even next week, it is OK. But when I “neeeed” do something, that something is like an albatross until it is done.
Whether raising teenagers or scratching items off the to-do list, our mental gymnastics can set us up to win or lose. Thoughts and perceptions are powerful. Small changes in the words we use can have a very positive affect over time. Consequently, they can also be negative. If this sounds like self help mumbo jumbo, I can live with it. The fact is the philosophy is true.
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