Guest column

‘My hopes and dreams for you’

Editor’s note: The following appeared in the Nov. 25 issue of Today’s Catholic, newspaper of the Archdiocese of San Antonio. It was written by Merium Malik, a regular contributor to the paper as a parish and youth ministry reporter in San Antonio.

Not long ago my husband, Don, a certified public accountant, came home from an estate planning workshop and told me about discussing ethical wills. Apparently it is becoming popular for people to leave behind directives to their children telling them how to live, how to get along with each other, how to take care of their children, etc. There is even a Web site (www.ethicalwill.com) which focuses on ethical wills. It says that ethical wills were first mentioned 3,000 years ago in Hebrew Scripture (Genesis 49) and later in Christian Scripture (John 15-18). The ethical will is not meant to replace the regular will; it is an addition to it.

Anyway, when Don said, "I thought you might be interested in this," I didn’t reply. I thought, "I don’t want to rule anyone’s life from the grave." But then I learned a little more about it and I decided that it might be something I wanted to do. I am not going to call mine an ethical will. I am going to call mine "My Hopes and Dreams for You."

Dearest children,

I hope you know that your dad and I have loved you from the first moment of your existence.

You were cherished through all our ups and downs even when harsh words were spoken, so the first gift I leave is the knowledge that you are, and always have been, deeply loved. God loves you more than any of us can fathom, and your dad and I love you with all our hearts.

Our greatest desire would be that you never experience any kind of pain or sorrow.

This leads me to the second gift.

As much as I would like to believe that you will never experience anything that makes you unhappy, I know that is not how life works.

We are not in control.

Bad things happen.

My second gift is the ability to believe that everything that happens, whether it seems bad or good, happens to help us grow into the people we are meant to be.

My prayer is that when your heart is broken you will turn to God and to each other and believe "everything will work out for the best."

My third gift is really a gift basket filled with hopes and dreams:

— I hope you will stop and feel your feelings. Feel and accept the joys and sorrows of life. Don’t bury them until they explode like land mines that damage and kill relationships.

— I hope you will do more than talk to people in your lives. I hope you will communicate with each other and all those you love.

— And finally my dreams for you are that humor will always be a part of your life, and that you will find the joy in your children, grandchildren or others who have touched your lives that we have found in you.

May God’s love and peace be with you until we meet again.

Mom