"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." — Carl Sagan

"What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?" — Ursula K. LeGuin

"It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber." — Women’s International League for Peace and Freedom, 1978

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes." – Anonymous

"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure." – Jarger

"The Lord’s Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words." — From an article on the growth of federal regulations in the Oct. 24th issue of National Review.

"There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." — Will Rogers

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." – Mark Twain

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." – Mark Twain

"Buy land. They’ve stopped making it." – Mark Twain

"As God once said, and I think rightly..." — Margaret Thatcher

"Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. — Archbishop Fulton Sheen

"In the beginning there was nothing and God said ‘Let there be light’, and there was still nothing but everybody could see it." — Dave Thomas.

"If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments." -- Anonymous

"Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know." – Groucho Marx

"So thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well." — George W. Bush, St. Louis, Mos., Jan. 5, 2004

"Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life." — George W. Bush, Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004

"When a problem comes along, you must whip it. Before the cream sits out too long, you must whip it!" — Devo

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." — Shirley Temple

"How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?" — Steven Wright

"I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." — John Wayne

"As the post said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." — Woody Allen

"Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read." — Groucho Marx

"God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny." — Garrison Keillor

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The miracle is this -- the more we share, the more we have." — Leonard Nimoy