Sorry! My grievous fault!

It should be noted that it could be a year before these changes are approved by the Vatican, if approved at all.

Because the press is not typically allowed into the bishops’ meetings, we had to disguise an SKR special correspondent as a fern to cover the event. This was not difficult, because when not in disguise, the correspondent looks like a fern disguised as a person.

Anyway, according to our man at the scene (or as I call him, the "werefern"), during the "through my own fault" debate, one bishop fought hard for there to be five "through my faults" before the "through my most grievous fault." That bishop was quickly shushed by another who said there should be at least 15. Still another said there should be one "through my fault" for each year of the individual’s age, thus assuring that God’s kept up. That proposition was quickly dispelled when one of the older bishops noted that he would end up saying 82 "through my faults," which, in the case of a youth Mass, would leave him uttering "through my fault" alone for several awkward minutes. This, he said, would give him the appearance of being more of a sinner than anyone else, when, except for eating a grape the other day while shopping the produce section, he was sin-free.

Another bishop commented that he didn’t care how many "through my faults" were said, as long as the congregation recited, "Woe be to me, a despicable slime," at some point. Still another demanded that it didn’t matter what the response, as long as the individual "hit himself in the head with a stick" while saying it.

Finally, when another bishop added that congregations should be required to wear safety goggles, they knew it was getting late and adjourned for the day.

The next day they took on the response, "And also with you," which is said after the priest intones, "The Lord be with you." After hours of debate, they decided instead of "And also with you," the response should be, "And with your spirit."

"But what do you mean by, ‘And with your spirit’?" one bishop asked.

"The Holy Spirit. The Spirit that lives within you."

"But where does that leave me?"

"The Holy Spirit is part of you."

"Well, then why change the response? ‘And also with you’ seems to cover it."

"It depends on how you define ‘you.’"

"Me?"

"No, ‘you.’"

"What?"

You can see why the debate lasted throughout the day and into the evening.

I don’t mean to pick on the bishops; they’re all prayerful men of peace and justice.

I’m just saying that when any large group comes together to make decisions, well, it makes you understand why Jesus didn’t come with a committee. If so, I imagine they’d still be trying to decide on the Beatitudes:

"Blessed be the – hmmmmm. What do you think Bill?"

"Well, Frank, I like Betty’s idea about ‘friendly people.’ Friendliness is underrated."

"Yes, but ‘Blessed be the friendly people’ just doesn’t grab me. And besides, just being friendly isn’t really enough, is it? I mean, I’ve known friendly people who were quite stingy."

"What about, "Blessed be the generous, friendly people?"

"Oh, that’s good. I like that. Jesus, what do you think? Jesus?"

"I think he went off to pray again. Have you noticed? He does that an awful lot during our meetings."

"Yeah. Not really a team player."

"Nope."