Here’s to ‘Robby the Robot’
By David Myers
The other day I
was reflecting on Moses and the Ten Commandments. I envisioned Moses standing
on a crest aside Mt. Sinai, two stone tablets perched in his arms onto which
were etched by God the commandments for living a life of love and peace -- when
the thought of “Robby the Robot” popped into my head.
If you remember
(and if you’re even half the nerd I am, you will), Robby the Robot first made
his appearance in the 50s sci-fi classic, “Forbidden Planet” as a creation of
Dr. Morbius, a congenial man who had the unfortunate
habit of inadvertently conjuring up a terrifying monster with his id.
(As a side
note, Freud theorized the “id” to be that part of our unconscious that causes
us to seek immediate satisfaction for primal needs, regardless of who we squash
along the way. It’s total self-absorption – feeding your most primal rage
without thought for others. It’s sort of like your inner-Neanderthal.)
Why did Mos --
(Actually, this
“id” discussion is really beside the point anyway and has nothing to do with
this column, except as a means to slip in my newest theory that our current
president may indeed be the missing link. Think about it. You never see
President Bush and Bigfoot together in the same room. Coincidence?
I think not.)
Why did Moses
and the Ten Commandments cause me to think of Robby the Robot? In his novel,
“I, Robot,” Isaac Asimov penned the “Three Laws of Robotics,” which
1. A robot may
not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human to come to harm.
2. A robot must
obey orders given to him by human beings except where such orders would
conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must
protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the
First or Second Law.
As I
contemplated Moses and the Three Laws of Robotics that day, I thought how nice
it would be if, perhaps, Pope Benedict could see fit to add the three laws to
our own commandments (substituting “person” for “robot”).
Think about it.
Wouldn’t it be great if suddenly people could, by law, no longer allow other
people to come to harm if their own activity could hinder the harm that the
person was about to come to? (Did that make sense? It’s late in the day and the
part of my brain that generates conscious thought is getting tired. I think
it’s called the “idiot.”)
Consider
the second law: Imagine if we had to obey other human beings …. Wait. Forget
that part. I do that every day for eight hours. We’ll move on to the third law.
Protecting our own existence without harming others would, among other
benefits, leave our president with very little to do. With the extra time on
his hands, he may even see fit to solve the health care crisis. Or play a lot
of Bridge. I can see him going either way.
Back to “Forbidden Planet.” At one point, Dr. Morbius proves to Leslie Neilson’s “Commander Adams” the
veracity of the First Law of Robotics by having Robby point a laser gun at
Wouldn’t it be
great if whenever someone strove to harm others, they began to experience a
sort of biological short circuitry? I would just love to see _____ (insert
politician of your choice) at a press conference, when suddenly he or she is
asked about a particularly harmful law they are moments from signing into effect.
A dazed look falls over his face. Tendrils of electricity begin snaking around
his head, little wisps of smoke coming out his ears, when suddenly, thankfully,
he comes to his senses.
I imagine that
about now, Dr. George Tiller of Wichita would be delivering a baby; Lou Dobbs
would be treating a newly arrived Guatemalan family to Wendy’s; and Iraq would
be filled with people sitting down to a good game of chess.
Wouldn’t that
be cool?