Are eight children enough?
Editor’s note: The following first appeared in the May 13 issue of the Eastern Oklahoma
Catholic, newspaper of the Diocese of
“Are they all yours?” This is a comment we often hear
when out in public with our children in tow. Our “all” people are referring to
are seven in number, and this summer they will number eight: six boys and one
girl and counting.
The comments
began soon after it was evident we were expecting our third child, and with
each additional child the comments have increased. Most observations are easily
brushed away, and I could not count the times we have heard them, but some are
more memorable.
“The same father?” “I know where you can go to stop this
problem.” We’ve overheard whispers: “They don’t use birth control,” accompanied
by a roll of the eyes and a look that says, “Ah, that
explains it.” In this day and age, having children is seen as a burden, not for
the blessing that it truly is.
These comments
have been made in many settings, though the ones that are the most hurtful are
those that come from people who share the same pews with us on Sunday.
Unfortunately, the burden-of-children syndrome has eroded its way into the
Catholic Church.
On the same day
that I was in for an ultrasound recently with our eighth child, the governor of
our state vetoed a pro-life bill that would have been just a small step for
life. As taxpayers, we currently fund abortions whether we agree with the
procedure or not.
As I watched
the screen and the tiny life inside, I wondered yet again how anyone can deny
when life begins. I could count fingers and toes and watch and feel as our son
kicked inside me.
We chose this
time to learn the gender of the baby, something we have not always done. Though
we were not planning to share the information, I think it is important to
understand that he has an identity -- first as a child of God and second as our
son.
Each of our
children is an individual who brings great joy to our family. Our dinner table
is full with laughter and a busyness that comes at the dinner hour.
Each child is
unique in his or her own way, and each adds something that is missed when that
child is absent for some activity.
I recall that
when each was born the overwhelming feeling was of being blessed and the
immense responsibility that lies in their future. I often ask, “OK, God, are
you sure I can handle this?”
And always I
remember something told to me by one of my husband’s aunts, a nun in
As a parent, I
have felt the joy many times over that comes with the smiles, or the little
arms that wrap around my neck and the pain that strikes when they are crying
because of illness or hurt feelings. And, of course, the laughter that comes
from statements that only a child can come up with.
When one of our
sons entered kindergarten, it was the second day of school when the teacher
caught me on the sidewalk with the “we-need-to-talk” tone. She informed me that
he had said the d-word on the playground. She had talked with him about the
incident, but we needed to know. We as parents had our own talk with him,
explaining that bad language was not acceptable.
The next day,
the teacher once again approached me on the sidewalk. A child had heard our son
say the word again, this time in the puppet center in the classroom. When
approached, he replied, “But I didn’t say it, he did,” pointing to the puppet
on his hand.
Parenting is a
lesson in patience and faith, trusting that God will provide us with what we
need. And with us, he always has.
I’ve developed
an answer for those people who ask, “Is this the last one?” or “Are you done
yet?”
God is good,
and we will continue to be open to the gifts of life he gives. And we will
continue counting our blessings.