A ‘hate-o-rama’

But the big one is "faith."

"With faith the size of a mustard seed," Christ told the apostles, "you could move a mountain. But it will take a long time, so bring extra water, maybe a few snacks."

See, most of you look to me as a beacon of faith, an "Atlas" if you will, on whose shoulders rests the fundamental teachings of the Catholic faith. And I take that responsibility very seriously. Veeeeeery seriously indeed.

But the fact is, I would be lying if I said my faith was always as firm as say, an old Oak tree. In fact, sometimes it’s pretty darn pathetic. At times, it’s more like a half-eaten Elm, or a fern that’s been in the sun too long, or a stick.

One of the ways in which my faith is weak, is that instead of praising God and thanking him for my many, many blessings, I tend to blame him for everything that goes wrong.

Each day at 2 p.m. or so, I start to feel like a fish stick – battered and fried. My computer begins to have all the effects of extra strength Nyquil. And whose fault is it? Why, God’s, of course! After all, I prayed that I would put in a good day’s work, valiantly steadfast, unwavering from the job at hand. And what does that God of ours go and do? He has the gall to allow me to become lazy!

"C’mon, God!" I utter. "I prayed for strength, and here I am feeling all tired and irritable! What do you do all day, anyway? Now, get with the picture!"

"Hey, it’s not my fault," God responds. "Get on the dang Stairmaster now and then if you want more energy! I’m not force-feeding you doughnuts every day!"

And then there’s the world in general. You have to agree that the world is pretty screwed up. We’ve got wars, violent crime, and, as Arlo Guthrie wrote, "all sorts of mean, nasty, ugly things." But while these have been the norm for generations, the one thing that has been on the rise in the last few years is hatred. Can you feel it, too?

It’s hatred in general; hatred for the so-called enemy; hatred for Americans; hatred for Liberals; hatred for Conservatives; hatred for people with brown skin, white skin or any skin in between, except paisley. Paisley-skinned people are still welcomed the world over. There’s hatred for people who are against the war, and hatred for those who support it. There’s hatred of our president, and hatred for those who hate the president. It’s a regular hate-fest down here. A hate-o-rama, if you will.

And whose fault is it? Why it’s God’s, of course!

"Lord, you created this world!" I pray defiantly. "What were you thinking? In your infinite power, you could have made heaven right here on Earth. You could have made a world filled with free bean burritos and nachos, where ‘Outer Limits’ marathons are shown every day, and where nobody gets hay fever or related symptoms. Instead, we all have to suffer through this ultimate final exam called ‘life,’ where we must endure things like zits and first dates and Rush Lumbaugh. This is your mess, Lord. Don’t you think it’s time you cleaned it up?"

"Hey, wait just one second, mister!" God responds. "In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth, and I saw that it was good. Later, I created barbecue, beach volleyball and whale watching, and I saw that it was great! I thought, ‘How can they lose?’ But of course, humanity found a way to screw it up."

"So, it’s all our fault," I tell him. "Is that what you’re saying?"

"Well, duh! Each of you has a choice as to whether you will love or hate. I’m all about love. If you choose to hate, don’t look at me.

"Look," God continued, "the trick to having faith in times of trial is to never, ever feel defeated. As long as you have me, you’ve got more strength than all the armies of the world. I understand that in these difficult times, sometimes your faith in me is going to waver. What’s important is that you never ever forget that I have faith in you."