Longtime Army family is new to having a parent in a war zone

The two students at C. Milton Wright High School in northeastern Maryland have had to make that adjustment this year after their father, Lt. Col. David Hilber, shipped out for Iraq in the spring.

An optometrist, Hilber will spend about a year treating the eye problems of prisoners at a U.S.-run detention center near the Baghdad, Iraq, airport, explained his wife, Natalie Hilber.

During a visit at the Catholic family’s home near the Aberdeen Proving Ground in early October, Natalie, Kristian and Morgan Hilber described the changes — particularly the new responsibilities — that they’ve taken on as their husband and father is deployed for the first time in his 17-year Army career.

Younger siblings Madison, 10, and Dylan, 13, were still at school during the interview with Catholic News Service.

In the soldier’s previous postings, the whole family moved with him: to Georgia, New York and New Jersey, to Wurzburg, Germany, and to northern Virginia, when he was assigned to the Pentagon for three years.

When he headed off to be a part of the medical team at Abu Ghraib prison for a few months and then to another detention center outside Baghdad, the family stayed behind, though everyone’s daily routines also changed.

Kristian and Morgan both said they miss their father’s cooking — their mom doesn’t make some of their favorites from his repertoire: stir fry and spaghetti with clam sauce.

And, in an important consideration when the Chesapeake Bay is just a few miles away from the family’s home, Kristian said, "She won’t go out and buy crabs," a staple for some area families in the summer.

Their mom was quick to defend herself: "I would; I just don’t know how to go about it, where they’re good."

Each family member has new household responsibilities, from Natalie Hilber’s recently acquired expertise at home repair to Dylan’s job of taking out the garbage.

Kristian, a high school senior, has become the backup chauffeur, helping get his siblings to and from three different schools and other activities when their mom is working nursing shifts at Upper Chesapeake Medical Center in Bel Air. At Dylan’s football practices, he joins the other players’ mothers and fathers, waiting to take his brother home, said Natalie Hilber.

"I was ready for more responsibility," Kristian said. "I’m usually ready for anything.

"Though I do like to have a few days’ notice," he added, with an exaggeratedly pointed glance at his mother. "It’s a lot easier to do something if I know I have to do it ahead of time."

Even though, as an optometrist posted in a high-security facility, the day-to-day risks in Iraq are lower for Hilber than for other soldiers, just having him in a war zone is worrisome to his family.

Their youngest child, Madison, "sometimes starts crying out of the blue," Natalie Hilber said. "And she definitely spends more nights coming in to sleep with me."

For Morgan, having her dad in Iraq means she makes a point to pray for him and listens carefully to the news.

"If they say something about Iraq, I definitely pay attention more," she said.

Her brother, however, takes a different approach. "I usually don’t associate the news with him," Kristian said.

The two older teens have been active in the Catholic youth ministry program at the chapel at Aberdeen. It’s there that they get their only real sense that other kids are missing family members too, they said. Prayer circles at the end of each session include prayers for family members stationed overseas.

"It helps me to see that other people are in the same situation, too," Kristian said.

What’s hard for Kristian is missing out on daily talks with his dad, he explained. They share an interest in music and in some books, including the "Wheel of Time" novel series by Robert Jordan.

Though their parents talk on the phone for a few minutes almost every day, the Hilber kids have been in touch with their father more sporadically, often just by e-mail.

The family lives off-base and all the kids attend public schools, so aside from church little in their daily lives brings the Hilbers into contact with the Army or other Army families. But Morgan, Kristian and their mother realize that in comparison to other military families they really have it pretty easy.

"It’s different for us than for families with someone on the front lines," Natalie Hilber said. Even working at the hospital, "I only recently saw my first U.S. soldiers who had been injured in Iraq."

She said she occasionally will look at online discussion groups for military families.

"When I read through those I realize we’re doing fine, especially compared to a young mother, new to military life, with a husband in the front lines," she said.

Still, the teens are ready for their dad to be home — though that’s not scheduled to happen until spring 2007.

"I think I’ve probably matured a bit since he left," said Kristian. "I feel like I’ve grown a bit."

"It’s true," said Natalie Hilber. "When I ask him for help with things like getting Dylan to football practice, he doesn’t complain. He’s been very understanding."

Kristian is anxious to get his other parent’s opinion about that.

"I wonder how I’m going to seem to Dad when he gets back. ...," he mused.