Empowering the cancer patient, and their family

Lyn Thompson, spiritual outreach director for Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) of Tulsa, learned she had Stage 3 breast cancer only two-and-a-half years after losing her husband in a horse riding accident.

Stage 3 breast cancer indicates that the cancer is larger than five centimeters, and involves the lymph nodes. It’s dangerous, it’s scary, and nearly 17 years after getting the disease, for Thompson, it’s history.

“Nobody knows the next chapter of your life,” she assured those gathered at the Ecumenical Day, Sept. 27 at the Cathedral of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

When diagnosed, Thompson, a devout Christian, found herself filled with bitterness, which she expressed clearly to those around her. “You are working out of your own brokenness,” she said.

To serve those going through this troubled time, the minister must take the role of “companion on the journey. You’re entering into a relationship. You are there to support them. You are there to accept them the way they are.”

Thompson suggested the minister not use trite phrases such as, “All things happen for the good,” or, “It’s only your breast; you’re still alive,” or even, ‘I’ll pray for you.’ If you’re going to pray for them, tell them when and how often,” Thompson said.

“And never tell them that God ‘won’t give you more than you can handle,’” she stressed. “He will. But he will always take you through to victory, whether in heaven or on earth.

“Cancer patients need hope,” she said. “Don’t tell horror stories, tell survivor stories. A doctor told a patient that he had six months to live. He came to our center and one of our doctors told him, ‘there is no expiration date on your foot.’ It’s not false hope, they just need to know people will stand with them if they choose to fight.”

Rev. Michael A. Langham, director of pastoral care for the CTCA, said that one should never, ever tell someone with cancer, “‘I understand how you feel.’ Even if you’ve been through the same thing, we all process information differently.

“We need to keep in mind that God is the healer; doctors only treat. We are the messengers. We shouldn’t think more highly of ourselves than we are. We should never promise anyone they’ll be healed, because we aren’t the healer. Never tell them that their faith will heal them. If so, and a person becomes sicker, they’ll think there’s ‘something wrong with me or God.’”

Rev. Langham also described hospital protocol to use when visiting a cancer patient who has been hospitalized.

“Always wash your hands,” he stressed. “You don’t want to bring anything in, or take anything out. Before a visit, ask the nurses station if it’s okay to visit.”

He also suggested ministers wear name tags so that the hospital staff can get to know them, and to always check the sign on the patient’s door to be sure, for example, that one doesn’t need to wear a mask when entering the room.

“In hospitals, nurses (whom Rev. Langham termed, “God’s gift to humanity”) come in 24 hours a day, either giving you something or taking something away. You don’t get much sleep in a hospital. If the patient is sleeping, always let them sleep.”

When visiting, never make the person move to make eye contact. Move a chair to an appropriate place, and never sit on the bed, even if invited. If the patient is asleep or away, the minister is encouraged to leave a note, or, in the case of a Catholic, a cassette tape of a Mass they may have missed.

“I don’t think we’ll ever truly understand the impact we can have on a person’s life by simply being there,” Rev. Langham said. “We don’t have to be fixing anything or speaking.”

Ministers are also encouraged to:

Offer to prepare a meal once a week for the person with cancer and their family;

Offer to run errands, do yard-work or babysit;

Offer to learn a new skill with the person battling cancer;

Make a daily phone call, just to chat;

Write a letter of encouragement;

Help the person start a written or recorded journal of what they are feeling;

Make the person with cancer laugh;

Discuss future plans/return to work/vacation/recreational activities.

And finally, be yourself. “Be the same kind of friend before and after cancer. That brings great normalcy.”